On our recent HR training, there was an activity where we described our groupmates in one word. I was described as cool, true, adventurous, approachable and friendly. Out of the descriptions, we were to choose one favorite. I chose true. Why? Details at the end of this article.
For now, let me say my thoughts on each adjective.
Let’s begin with COOL. It’s cool to know people perceive me as cool but honestly, I am nowhere near that. I am fidgety. I am anxious. I cannot calm myself. I get red in the face when I talk to people. I blush during lunch at the canteen. I get red rashes on my chest and neck when agitated. I cannot even control my feelings. In this case, my groupmate’s definition of cool must be different.
ADVENTUROUS. I may look like it but I am scared 90% of the time. I don’t enjoy theme parks and those hair raising roller coasters. However, I like going on trips and traveling. I love the sight of the horizon, the endless greenery and the cloudy sky. I love the feel of strange places. Yet, I fear too much. I overthink about what accidents could possibly happen- plane crashes, boat sinks and/or vehicle collisions. I don’t even eat exotic foods or foods prepared the unconventional way. Knowing these, do you still think I am adventurous?
APPROACHABLE. This could be true, or not. Anyone could just approach me. That is something I have no control of. BUT, as I mentioned earlier, I am anxious. So depending on the approach, I can go warm and accommodating, or my brain could send “fuck you” signals to my organs non-stop. What is nice is I can somehow conceal it and look positive on the outside. Thus, you might think I am approachable.
FRIENDLY. This is quite funny. Let me get this straight. I AM NOT FRIENDLY. I can talk to acquaintances but I cannot be friends with a lot of people. If I don’t like you, I don’t like you. Unless you change your ways for good. I have a few true friends and I value our friendship so much. I don’t just make friends because I feel like it. I don’t cling to superficial gifting-and-surprising-each-other-on-birthdays-kind of friendship. I delve deeper, dude. For me, friendship doesn’t have to be two-way. I have one-sided friendships with people I admire so much yet do not reciprocate the commitment I offer. Friendship is not about quantity but quality. I have two best friends and I wouldn’t trade them for a whole bundle of girly shallow bitches. Most importantly, friendship is not possessive. You don’t own anyone in this world. Don’t get jealous if your friends have other friends. Let them live. Believe me, I can go all day elaborating what friendship is to me. So to reiterate, I am not friendly. But I’m not closing doors, we could still be friends. If you are awesome. And/or anxious.
Finally, TRUE. Out of the adjectives, I chose this not because I think I am true, but because I want to be true. I want to be honest and be vocal with my opinion. I want to be able to assert and speak my mind. I want to express my feelings and not just pretend I agree with what everybody in the group thinks. I want to articulate my thoughts and not just keep mum about my inventive ideas. I want to say “no” at times when saying “yes” is the more convenient option. I want to be this kind of true.
To my groupmates, thank you for the kind adjectives. It makes me “kilig” to know you think I am cool, adventurous, approachable, friendly and true. Hindi niyo lang alam, ang Diyos ang dahilan. 🙂
Thanks for your time.